| confusion |
|
|
| 11:42pm 20/09/2006 |
| |
|
music: Codeine - Fred Eaglesmith
|
I had never, foolishly, thought that it would happen to somebody that I knew.
It's past tense now.
But tense doesn't really matter; it seems surreal still.
While watching the news tonight I happened to catch the story which I had somehow not been informed of over the last two days.
Four soldiers killed in Afghanistan.
I tend to block these things out.
Except that I knew one of them.
It's hard to ignore a name that you recognise, are familiar with.
It's hard to figure out how you feel about it.
I guess that this is what shock feels like.
He will be remembered as the stunning person that he was.
What the fuck is the Canadian Army doing in this war.
What the fuck did he die for.
But I'm caught in a cleft stick between wanting to believe that the fucking war is necessary, and thinking that it's unnecessary.
But.
If it's unnecessary, then any death resulting from it is pointless.
And I don't want to believe that such a good person could die a pointless death. |
|
| |
|
Read 1 - Post |
| |
| a typical wednesday |
|
|
| 07:30pm 23/08/2006 |
| |
|
music: Gordon Lightfoot - High and Dry
|
...and so, not worthy of being capitalised.
1. Sat behind a man wearing womens' perfume (Chanel #5) on the bus, which was ten minutes
late.
2. Boss gave me a gigantic tomato...for no apparent reason. She grows them? It's as big as
a grapefruit? It's akin Snow White's apple? I don't know.
3. The woman with whom I work spent all afternoon teasing me about the fellow who apparently
(per her) has a crush on me. This caused me to turn beet-red every time he talked to
me. Which was both inconvenient, and very awkward. Particularly today, as he was in
and out of the boardroom next to our office. GAH. To do: Learn to mentally control
my face-shade.
4. Every cup of coffee that I got today had grounds in it...which is gross. And which meant
that I had to leave the building to buy coffee at lunch, in desperation. Moral of the
story: Greasy spoon diner take-out coffee is not worth the effort. Sadly.
5. Spent most of the day thinking about that confusing viking, who seems to have, against my
better judgement, made it past all of the obstacles that I habitually set up. Silly
viking, he doesn't know that us English majors are a stubborn, hardheaded bunch.
6. Discovered that the "le chateau" attitude is also present in the le chateau warehouse now,
which is totally inexplicable. You work in an OUTLET store people. Perspective, my
friends, perspective. Jesus.
7. Started reading "Into The Rapids" on the bus today. My aggravation with the racism and
intolerance in Canada (spec. Manitoba) is getting more and more hard to contain. It
isn't bloody acceptable, being largely perpetuated by the ostrich-like "laissez-faire"
attitude of the usual onlooker, whose silence/lack of objection allows the perpetrator
to continue to believe in the Right of their actions/words.
I'm listening to Gordon Lightfoot now, though, so it's all going to be alright. Yes.
Later. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| The not-so-long walk home... |
|
|
| 10:01pm 21/08/2006 |
| |
mood:  calm music: Bloc Party - Always New Depths
|
...is still long enough for somebody like me to have two major moments of rekindled belief in all things beautiful.
One: All men should hold doors for women. I don't care how sexist that sounds. I like it. I have this weird hang-up about chivalry.
Two: The Assiniboine River really does look stunningly beautiful when the sun shines on it. Especially from the middle of the Osborne bridge. Funny- I've always lived in this neighbourhood, yet had never really ("really") looked at the river from that vantage point until today. I recommend it. It sparkles. The sparkling hides the floating dead bodies. (Seriously, though, it IS really lovely) |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| sentementalism |
|
|
| 06:23pm 01/08/2006 |
| |
As somebody close to me so eloquently stated: We've all lived different lives, and we all have our reasons for acting bizarrely, or for seeking escape from a challenge that seems insurmountable. Essentially, the argument was geared toward preventing me from taking to heart the actions of a loved one.
I found it a little difficult to sit quietly and swallow this comment, for while I managed to maintain some semblance of outward poise, I wanted to holler "At what point is enough, enough though?" It always seems to the one who is pained that nobody else is capable of understanding them. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| public displays of disaffection |
|
|
| 08:49pm 27/06/2006 |
| |
mood:  irritated music: Vivaldi - Summer
|
...So there we were; myself as per the trend in the last year's passing trying to show that I was ready to be happy/present/fearless, and "he who shall remain nameless" acting like a teenaged boy on a power-trip. I'm not really sure of the exact moment/day/month during which I lost my ability to marshall myself into not acting like an idiot, or at least the ability to recognise idiocy in my actions or perceptions of a given situation. Some people, not to put too fine a point on the word "some," don't know where they're going to jump next and end up hurting everyone around them. Perhaps it was this lack of certainty and comfort on my part that lead to my acceptance of such treatment.
In the interest of non-slanderous writing, however, I shan't go any further. Those of you who know me know what I'm talking about.
On another, much more exciting note, I've applied at the Manitoba Metis Federation, and am VERY excited about the prospect of a job. It would work so well with everything- The eventual Masters, the ideological stance, the background...everything. I feel like a little girl on Christmas morning waiting with baited breath for the sun to finally slllllllllllllllllllide over the horizon! |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
| public broadcasting? |
|
|
| 03:04pm 25/06/2006 |
| |
I wonder if it's possible to imprint ones thoughts onto paper? I suppose that this trepedation is due in part to my life-long inability to keep regular journals (although I do have quite the collection of notebooks emcompassing one or two entries!). At the moment I'm trying to figure out whether or not I really want to jump into my Master's in two years; the option being getting an education degree and teaching north of the 53rd for a while. They're both tempting. Sometimes, and this last year has certainly aquitted itself well in this category, it seems that the easiest choice to make, and the most sensible, turns out to be fraught with countless pitfalls and unexpected convolutions- I mean, I'm leaning toward the latter of the two choices, but having given up somewhat the ability to trust my instincts (shame!) I worry that it isn't what I want. Really. There's alot to be said for knowing your own damned mind.
On that note, poor though it may be, I'm off to work.
I guess that, as the rolling stones so astutely observed, you really CAN'T always get what you want...and really, sometimes what you want isn't right for you.
Unfortunately I seem to be refusing to admit this. Stubborn to a fault. |
|
| |
|
Post |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
iyja's journal
amused
